2002-04-18
ruths house journal
Last week, I wrote an entry in our house journal about how i'm starting to feel like someone in a fifties sci fi movie about gigantic bugs. You know, one of those characters thrown in just to get killed off. well, this is the continuation, which i'm going to put here, rather than in the house journal just because it's more confusing this way.
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I�ve been thinking more about the scifi movies (finals? I don�t know what you�re talking about), and I�ve come to the conclusion that the creature movies have three main characters (which I will enumerate below for your reading pleasure):
1. the scientist: An old man, whose desire to play god has usually caused the creature problem (I mean, he was the one who thought creating a giant spider would actually be useful in some way). He lives away from town, making it difficult to get help. The people in town all know who he is and refer to him as �Crazy Old X.� His phone NEVER works.
2. The girl: The damsel in distress, a pretty young thing who is, for some reason, living with the scientist. Sometimes she�s his daughter, sometimes she�s a student. Either way, she proves to be utterly useless and ends up spending much of the movie screaming.
3. The hero: A young scientist, who has heard tell of the fame of the old scientist and comes to work in his lab. Falls in love with the girl. Saves the world from the gigantic critters.
OK, so that�s it for main characters � none of these people will EVER die, so don�t even worry about. Moving on though, we come to those characters that are, sadly, destined for doom:
1. the sheriff: always chuckles whenever he gets a call from a hysterical person claiming that they have seen a 30 foot ant. Believes that the old scientist is a silly old buffoon. Goes to check on reports of unusual occurrences alone (why? Because he�s the sheriff, dammit)
2. the farmer: this one is a little sad. He is seen doing something farmerish: milking a cow, or checking on his herd. The next thing you know, he�s been sucked dry by the tarantula. We don�t know his name until someone barges into the sheriff�s office yelling that �something strange has happened out at farmer joe�s place!�
3. arrogant townspeople: anybody that says a word against the scientist is going to die. It�s just what�s going to happen.
4.The old doctor: when the young scientist is a doctor, the old town doctor will usually comment on how young whippersnappers are good-for-nothing-know-it-alls who think that they alone have the answers to the world�s problems. It is only while he is being pursued by giant ants that he learns that, shit, the young guy was right all along! Guess he gets his comeuppance.
5. The scientist�s housekeeper: always a woman. Usually doesn�t speak English well. Once in a while, she decides it is in her best interest to leave when things start getting strange, but usually she is eaten while dusting.
So, that's all of them. There are more, of course. For the record, the giant ant movie is called Them! and i recommend it to anyone that likes silly movies.
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