2003-06-30
Mommy! The media is making me feel bad about myself again!
A few months ago, Vogue* published an issue called "The Shape Issue" which was supposed to give style advice for women of many different kinds of body types. Of course, being Vogue, all of the women were perfect-looking Hollywood superstars.
I didn't take this very personally, but apparently a lot of other people did. Letters in the July issue find readers complaining that "Vogue isn't really interested in addressing all women in America - only the very wealthy, the very thin, and the very tall," and that the issue full of movie stars did not even offer "the vaguest hint on how I might clothe my less than perfect self."
And all I can say is, "Duh, people, it's Vogue." If you want to find fashions for a more average crowd, try getting a magazine with an average dress price of less than $1,000.
One woman actually makes a point when she says that the model they used to exemplify the 'short' body is actually 5'6" tall, and she is sure (and I agree with her) that there must be a woman in Hollywood that is at least a little shorter than that.
In any case, I am off to delight in my newly discovered midgethood.
np: work
2003-06-30
Welcome back
May is coming back from France today. And by 'coming back,' I don't mean that she is coming back here (where I am), but that she is coming back to the USA (which is where I am, so I guess it just depends on how you look at it). And even though she will still be 600 miles away, I am happy to know that she and I are once again conducting day to day conversations in the same language (for the most part), and if someone would give me a lot of money, I would happily go visit her and ride the subway around New York City. But, as no one will probably give me a lot of money any time soon, I will just have to wait and see her when she comes back here to go to school.
np: people ripping artwork off of the walls - it is an art riot!
2003-06-29
I really shouldn't get myself so hyped up about this kind of thing because something bad always happens
All day long I was thinking about my orange Faygo resting happily in the refrigerator. But alas, after I finally folded all of my clothes and decided to reward myself with a frosty orange beverage, I went down to the kitchen only to discover that someone was already drinking it.
And it is my fault because I didn't take the extra 5 seconds to write my name on that can of orange soda. I just thought that people would refrain from drinking it since we don't have any house food at all, and if we did have house food, it would probably not be deelicious Faygo brand orange soda.
np: Saturday Looks Good to Me-Alcohol
2003-06-29
PBS, you crack me up
I was watching "Nature" (well, not really paying very much attention to it), and there was a fish on it that had a long, hornlike feature on what I will refer to as its nose (even though I don't think that fishes really have noses). Since I can't remember what the name of this animal is (and I have spent the last hour searching the internet for evidence of its existence), I will refer to it as a hornbill (which I am almost certain is what the narrator called it, even though I know a hornbill is a bird).
I had to say all of that because the narrator said this: "The hornbill is the unicorn of the seas."
I laughed out loud and thought, "Yeah, except it actually exists and wasn't mentioned in nearly every single syntax and semantics class that I had*."
*I don't remember exactly why there was so much talk of unicorns in my classes, but one of my "Two Questionable Facts About Linguists" is that they all love unicorns (the other one is that they all love Jay-Z**).
**this is based on the fact that I had to phonetically transcribe "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" on an exam once. I had some other proof too, but I can't remember what it is.
np: Cowboy Junkies-Sweet Jane
2003-06-29
It wasn't always like this
I have heard that other peoples' Saturday nights involve beer. My Saturday nights involve toast, water and watching multiple episodes of "I Love the 80s."
np: PBS
2003-06-28
God bless the internet
I am listening to/watching a series of still photographs of the Super Furry Animals live at Glastonbury In bed, where I have spent most of the day).
I think I am going to cry.
np: sfa live at glastonbury-northern lites
2003-06-27
If only I were a little taller
I thought that the safety pins from Wednesday were still in my skirt pocket, and since I was already running late, I figured that I would pin my skirt when I got to work*.
I arrived and found that there were no safety pins in my pocket.
This has been a scandalous, scandalous day.
But at least I get to go home soon.
*quick! everyone act surprised that I'm wearing the same skirt that I wore two days ago!
np: work
2003-06-27
Hey, I never said I wasn't superficial
But now I am happy again because my clothes and shoes coordinate. It doesn't happen often.
np: the humming of the air conditioner
2003-06-27
But at least I don't have to work in the morning
Now, for reasons not related to Ted Leo, I am unhappy. On the way back to my room after brushing my teeth, I stopped in the hallway and petted Paper Towel the rabbit. It didn't make me feel any better.
np: Mogwai-Moses? I Amn't
2003-06-27
Pin-ups
I am happy because there is a poorly cut out picture of Ted Leo on my wall. I feel like a fourteen year old. But with taste.
np: June Carter Cash-Ring of Fire
2003-06-26
I never knew there were so many stamps available
It took me forever to decide which stamps I wanted to buy. Usually I buy them out of the machine and get those ugly flag ones, but today I stood in line and thought and thought about what I would get. Would it be Andy Warhol? Houdini? Bats? Cats and dogs? Cary Grant in a delightful bowtie?
Finally I decided on these ones:
I am hoping that they will add the grace and elegance that is so often absent from my correspondences with friends, family and the Mastercard people. I also hope that I am able to use all twenty before the next time postage prices are raised. Based on previous events, the situation does not look promising.
np: Badly Drawn Boy-Once Around the Block
2003-06-26
My pen!
And sometime during the break I took to write that last entry, my special letter writing pen was lost. I was sitting right here the whole time, but it is completely gone. This is very upsetting.
np: Mogwai-Hunted by a Freak
2003-06-26
My grandparents
I am writing thank you notes for the only two graduation gifts I got (yeah, thanks all), which were from my two sets of grandparents. I never know how to address letters to my grandparents. At first I thought I'd write "David and Barbara." However, everyone calls them "Dave" and "Barb" (and I call them "grandpa" and "grandma"), so that sounded overly formal. Writing "Dave and Barb," though, seems too informal. I am about to give up and write someting like "Gramps and Granny [last name]," because this has already taken more time than it should. And I have to do it all over again for my paternal grandparents (and on that side, my grandpa's name is "Emmanuel," which I don't even know how to spell).
On the plus side, though, at least I no longer feel self-conscious about the stupid things I wrote in the cards (a fictional example: "Dear grandma and grandpa, Thanks for the money. I would like to say that I will use it on grad school, but it is more likely that it will be spent on records and beer. Sorry. Love, Kim").
And did I mention that my grandparents are all conservative Mennonite? It's tough to write things to people that you love but who you don't have very much in common with.
np: Fourtet-Unspoken
2003-06-25
Esc
I realize that the truly devoted can take all of the keys out of a keyboard, but a while ago I discovered that the escape key on the computer I use at work comes right out with no resistance at all. I found this very poetic: the escape key is actually able to escape. Just now, though, I learned that all of the keys in the top row - your F5s and your scroll locks and such - do exactly the same thing. I was happier before I knew this.
np: clickey keyboards and a cell phone ringing
2003-06-25
The pins are, sadly, only temporary
Fixing my skirt turned out to be a lot easier than I had anticipated, and as a bonus, the safety pins make me look like a punk.
np: Ash-Sometimes
2003-06-25
No more cheap movies
Phase two of operation air conditioning involved going to see the worst movie in the world at the cheap theater. This actually isn't anything noteworthy, as we have seen many of the world's worst movies at the cheap theater. Formerly, movies at the cheap theater were $2 (on weekdays), and therefore, easily justifiable. However, sometime between when we saw Phone Booth and now, the price has been raised to $2.50 on weekdays (and a whopping $3 on weekends). And honestly, I am going to put a little more thought into the kinds of movies that I see if a third dollar bill is going to be involved.
np: King of the Hill
2003-06-24
I rode the bus and it is hot today
Since we were expected to have temperatures in the nineties today, I did what any heat fearing, only slightly employed person with a free bus pass would do: I rode the bus to places that were air conditioned.
And my many adventures included:
1. finding a denim skirt which may or may not be sufficient (there is a too big slit in the side (if I wanted that much of my legs hanging out, I just wouldn't wear pants. it is that simple), but I think that I can fix it)
2. trying on tank tops to see if I am over my "my upper arms are totally horrible looking!" stage (I am not)
3. buying a greeting card with a picture of a dancing banana peel on the front. inside, it says, "just a happy little card, to make you smile or piss you off." (I am not really the greeting card type, but this one will live in greeting card heaven with the one that said, "[outside]if you wear a hat all day and then take it off, you can still feel it on your head. [inside]it's not that way with underwear, though." I still have that one because I didn't want to waste it on someone who wouldn't appreciate it.)
But most importantly:
4. I missed the bus that I wanted so I went into a grocery store to wait the half hour until the next one. In this grocery store I found (among other things) the two new diet Faygo flavors! I have been looking for them forever! (ok, it has just been since Sunday when I saw a coupon for them in the newspaper.) Nothing has ever made me happier (although I say that about so many things that it really doesn't mean anything anymore).
np: holy shit, the spinner (er, whatever it is called now) britpop station is playing something from the new super furry animals album !!!!!!!! i love the world so much right now
2003-06-24
Rod Serling could smoke on television
As we were leaving, I said, "What the world needs now is a Twilight Zone marathon.*"
Because folks today don't know how to make their aliens scary or the psychological battles of their main characters intriguing. Because each episode is a little morality play without be preachy. Because Rod Serling packed more creepy paranoia into half an hour than any movie I have seen in the last five years. Because it proved that science fiction can be art (and did it in a respectably non-flashy manner).
*and there is one July 3-4!
np: Tindersticks-Waiting for the Moon
2003-06-23
Two skirts at once
I was just now very seriously considering wearing two skirts (at once) to work. I think, however, that a fashion faux-pax of this magnitude will take some working up to. It will happen, though. Trust me.
(What? Everyone else in the world is dressed by 4:30 in the afternoon? You have got to be kidding me!)
(I was already sort of dressed, just not in clothes that were really appropriate for work. Unless I worked in a landfill. But, sadly, I don't.)
2003-06-22
I own this dvd
If these aren't the best-dressed spacemen that you've ever seen
*
then you've obviously been watching better movies than me.
Four years attending the University of Michigan have conditioned me to accept that people are going to wear blue and yellow together, so what really gets me about this outfit are those red gloves. They have yellow armbands, but red gloves. Why?
Here is my theory: it is the first day that the super duper spacesuits are needed and the propman discovers that he forgot to get the yellow rubber gloves! The director is furious, but in a movie as low budget as this one, they don't have time to waste. He sends the propman to a Danish supermarket (the movie was filmed in Denmark), but they only have red rubber gloves. The director decides that they will have to do, but the propman has to pay for them out of his own pocket.
(PS-the movie is called Journey to the Seventh Planet, and it comes complete with it's own loungy theme song. It is set in futuristic 2001 when a group of astronauts fly to Uranus (which they all insist on pronuncing as "Urahnus," missing the opportunity for many, many jokes). On Uranus, they find a one-eyed rat monster, a giant spider, an apple tree and hott women. It is bad (in a good way), of course, but it is made even more bad (in a bad way) by the fact that I've seen an episode of The Twilight Zone with nearly exactly the same premise, but with a better script and better acting. I liked it anyway, though.)
*The reason it looks so bad is because it is a picture of my tv screen.
2003-06-22
And it's even about Bobby
"And now, a bonus King of the Hill."
Are there sweeter words in the English language?
2003-06-21
Found in the kitchen
An example of co-op cuisine:
2003-06-21
The day I walked to bargain books, for some reason
I thought I'd see if I could walk all the way to Bargain Books. I could, of course, but the problem with walking to somewhere like Bargain Books is that when you get there, you're still only at Bargain Books.
On the plus side, though, I saw a man try to drive his car from the car wash parking lot to the pharmacy parking lot* and get stuck at a 45 degree angle since the two parking lots are on entirely different levels. I stood and gaped at him and then I noticed that the pharmacy was a CVS, which was distracting because it is the only place where I have ever been able to find Fruit Two 0. So I went in and bought some.
*Well, maybe that's not what he was trying to do, but I really can't figure out how else he could've done it.
2003-06-20
This was not in my job description
I just held a book open behind a man's head for a picture. He is going to be in the newspaper with a book of music open behind his head and I was the nearest available bookstand. However, I am more intelligent than the average bookstand (assuming the average bookstand does not contain any computer chips), and came up with the idea of taping the book open so my fingers wouldn't show. They both (the photographer and the man) raved about my ingenuity. It was as if they'd never seen scotch tape before.
2003-06-20
Classic teevee
Bob Newhart is in Legally Blond 2! You have no idea how happy this makes me. I am forever searching for reruns of Newhart and The Bob Newhart Show (frankly, I can do without Bob), but apparently Nick at Nite viewers would rather watch Three's Company (if you are one of these people, please identify yourself so that I can throw things at you). The video store has one of the shows on tape, but other people never are very enthusiastic about Bob Newhart (believe it or not) and I do not own a VCR because I am all about progress.
That is why I am lamenting the fact that I am unable to watch tv shows from the seventies and eighties.
PS: I also miss The Mary Tyler Moore Show (which is on dvd but I can't afford it) and Taxi. At least I can take comfort in the fact that M*A*S*H is on every single day.
2003-06-20
A new home
My handmade layout was not working out.
I was sorry to see it go, but this will have to do instead.
Relatedly, I found a way to change my template even though clicking on the "Change Your Template" link only brought up that screen that says the servers work really well 98% of the time (I guess I always try to update during the other 2% of the time).
I forget what it was I really wanted to say.
2003-06-19
I am 12 years old
I can honestly say that tonight, my heart skipped a beat (figuratively).
2003-06-19
And I gave that man directions, even though I didn't know the way, because that's the kind of guy I am this week
Two people have asked me for directions today. I wish people wouldn't do this, because my initial response is always to mislead them.
I think today is probably the nicest day ever. Yes, today was the high point of my spring/summer (I am not sure when I will be able to start thinking about the year without putting it into semesters), with it's highs in the low seventies and nonexistant humidity. I feel like I should be outside enjoying it right now, but I have already walked many miles today. I always drag my camera all over town but never seen anything that I really want to take pictures of. Except today I saw a punkass kid feeding a Twix bar to a squirrel. I would've taken a picture of them, but I felt weird about asking.
Also, I am thinking about getting a cat when I move out of the co-op and/or volunteering at the Humane Society. And I should call my mom, since she had surgery on Tuesday. It was nothing major, but still.
2003-06-18
Chapped
The problem with using more than one bag (or purse, if you must) for everyday purposes (and I have five that I use fairly regularly), is that your chapstick is ALWAYS in one of those bags that is not with you.
2003-06-18
Judging books by their covers
Yesterday I finished the book that I had been reading. At around 2 am, I found myself bored with the entertainment the internet and tv had to offer, so I pulled out the three other library books I have and tried to figure out which one would be next. And, honestly, after reading the flaps, I still had no idea. I have always been of the belief that you actually CAN judge a book by its cover, so I laid the three out in front of me and inspected the artwork.
Nothing.
So I did the next best thing:
I judged those books by their author photos.
Michael Faber, although I may not finish your 800+ page Victorian-era-style novel (I mean, I hate real Victorian literature), I have to say that you are one hot tamale*.
*The fact that I just used the term "hot tamale" to describe a person is nearly as funny as the fact that I used the word "jerkface" a couple of entries back.
2003-06-18
I use a lot of parentheses
It is summer (almost) and once again my thoughts turn to whitening my teeth. Last year, my whitener of choice (well, the one I had a coupon for) was Crest Whitestrips. The project proved to be both unsuccessful and painful. This year, my coupon was for Colgate Simply White Night, which has also not seemed to improve the whiteness of my teeth (although, to be fair, I have only been using it for six days so far), but until tonight it had not caused any physical discomfort. However, while painting the gel onto my teeth tonight, the brush slipped and touched the inside of my lip. It felt exactly like I had poured alcohol (the kind you rub, not the kind you drink, although I suppose either would do the job) into an open wound. I guess, though, that one must pay a price for the luxury of white teeth (although with the amount of tea and diet cola products that I drink, I am perfectly aware that my teeth will never be white and I should've saved my five dollars and bought something useful with it instead).
2003-06-17
You are overpowering my new Mogwai cd, jerkface
There is this drummer that lives in the house behind mine. I don't mean to sound anti-drummer, or anything, but sometimes (okay, every time I hear him/her), I wish he/she would just stop.
2003-06-17
Cooking for one person is a waste of time
My parents came and took me out for dinner on Sunday and it has really thrown off my eating habits. See, usually my meals consist of one of the following:
1. cheese
2. bread
3. frozen corn
4. carrots
5. pasta
(or if I am feeling particularly adventurous, I open a can of soup and get several of these items at once)
My meal Sunday consisted of a number of these items, and now I wonder why I can't always have meals that contain more than one of the food groups (and I always come to the conclusion that is because I am poor and lazy).
Anyway, today I put that behind me and bought the makings of a real meal. I attempted to make a recipe that Tamar and I had made a couple of times when I cooked at Ruths'. It was somehow not as impressive this time. Perhaps I needed some essence of Tamar. Or at least some spices besides red pepper and chili powder (we have a whole cupboard full, but most of them are so old that they have formed solid spice blocks and I am reluctant to chisel off a corner to use).
2003-06-16
Various stooges
Just now I saw a sign on a motor home that said "Stooges Fan Parking Only" and had little arrows indicating where the Stooges fan was to park. I thought, "How interesting it is that fans of Iggy Pop are now of the age where they drive motor homes." A moment later, I realized that the sign was probably referring to The THREE Stooges and not simply The Stooges. I am glad, though, that my first association with the word 'stooge' is with Iggy and not Larry, Moe and Curly.
2003-06-16
It isn't much, but we call it home
I changed my template! Like, all by myself! Wooo!
This looks like it should've been pretty simple, but it seriously took me about 5 hours. Although I came very close to losing my mind several times*, I am happy to say that, with the help of my new best friend Webmonkey, I managed to pull through with a delightfully intact psyche (but I do have to admit that if I had had any beer in the house, I would've been all over that stuff. As things are, I only have malt liquor (eeew), which I'm not really sure how I got tricked into buying, and which I might donate to the homeless instead of drinking.
After I got the layout looking like this, I sat around and felt pleased with myself for overcoming an obstacle (my stupidity) to reach my goal (purple!). I mean, it's not great and it's not at all what I had in mind when I started, but this is the first time that I have fought with the html and won! And perhaps someday my archives page will look something like this, but I don't think that it is going to happen tonight.
*This also could be due to the fact that I listened to the same 10 songs the whole time I was working on it, and after you've heard "Fat Bottomed Girls" for the 20th time in one sitting the desire to KILL KILL KILL becomes very hard to resist.
2003-06-14
No, I will not teach you the secret handshake
Today, my mail told me that I have been accepted to a very exclusive new club:
2003-06-14
Another one
Tonight my car started again, so we got it into our heads to go to the sneak preview of 28 Days Later in Southfield. Stupidly, though, we drove all the way there before we thought about getting tickets and it was sold out. Luckily, the movie theater was ridiculously huge and contained a number of eateries, so we drowned our sorrows in ice cream sundaes that were the size of toddlers.
The ice cream was eventually gone, though, and then we were stuck with what to do for the rest of the evening. I repeatedly said, "Let's go to Detroit," until we found ourselves speeding eastward down 12 Mile Road. Suddenly, I had a change of heart and an hour later we were back in Ann Arbor.
We rooted around in a video store for a while, finally settling on Ghost Ship, because I had my heart set on gore gore gore, and honestly, we don't really try to rent movies that we think will actually be good, anymore, because we were always disappointed. Besides, the library gets all of those more impressive sounding titles and we can borrow them for free. Our money is saved for the cream of the crap (last weekend we rented Sorority Boys and The Animal).
So we go back to the house (not mine) and are watching our crappy movie and suddenly there is a strange noise coming from outside. My friend peers out of the open window and sees a pleasant young gentlemen urinating on her house's dumpster. She says, "What a pig," and the young gentlemen responds by triumphantly waving his middle finger at her. He then goes into the apartment house next door.
Although my friend is horrified (and, actually, this very same thing happened last night, although the young man did not enter the apartment building next door), I spend most of the rest of the night laughing hysterically about this: "He came outside SPECIFICALLY to pee on your DUMPSTER!!!" I shout with glee, a number of times. "He was INSIDE where there was a bathroom, and he came OUTSIDE because he would rather pee on YOUR DUMPSTER!!!"
After I managed to stop laughing about this, we briefly consider going next door to urinate on the apartment building, but are unsure as to how we would accomplish such a task. I suggest that she put a bucket out by the dumpster labeled "Pee Bucket," but she decides against this since it is unclear whose duty it is to empty said bucket. Eventually we just give up and watch the rest of our movie (which was not good, but it was pretty much what we expected it to be).
2003-06-13
Analyze me
Dreams I have recently had:
1. My mom, dad, Euros Childs (hey,you dream about your rock stars and I'll dream about mine), and I were waiting in a long line outside of a bar on a beach somewhere. There was some kind of music festival going on, and I was repeatedly talking about how I hoped that this was the night that Band X was going to be there. When we got to the front of the line, my parents gave Euros and I $20 (admission was $5) and left, because they do not go to bars. When we got inside, Euros wanted to sit at this table that was in the very front, but it was dirty and I whined a lot and we ended up sitting at a clean table farther back. Euros and I didn't talk (maybe he was mad at me for making him sit at the other table), and I sat there and wondered how I was going to buy drinks because my parents might ask for the change from the $20 and I didn't want them to know that I was drinking.
2. I am suddenly and inexplicably pregnant. All during my pregnancy I worry that my parents will disown me for being unmarried and pregnant. I also worry that I am pregnant far too soon and wonder if I will ever get to do many of the things I planned on doing without farming off my child to day cares and nannies. This turns out not to be a problem, because as soon as the child (a girl) is born (by c-section), she is able to eat solid food and drinks apple juice. She seem pretty independent, so I go on with my life and don't really see much of her.
3. One of my friends from high school is in my room (and something took place outside of my room in some city where I don't live before this, but I can't really remember what), and we are sitting there doing something and suddenly she pulls down the blinds and peeks out the door and looks down the stairs. When she is certain that no one else is around, she reaches into her bag and pulls out an enormous bag of marijuana. She sloppily cuts stars out of multi-colored felt, sews them together, glues a few sequins on the front, and stuffs them with weed, creating puffy Christmas tree ornaments. At one point she says, "It's what's inside that counts.�
2003-06-13
And they kind of remind me of my cousin
Nothing is more adorable than when little kids are extremely precise and intelligent sounding. However, I am also kind of frightened of these kids, so when I am face-to-face with one, I usually mumble a lot and use the word 'like' more than I think I usually do.
2003-06-13
Too much of a good thing (although the word good is sort of debatable)
The State Theater's website used to have about a month's worth of listings, but now it only has one week's. It is as if they know that the only two movies that will be there for the rest of the summer (and the only two movies that have been there for the last month) are Bend it Like Beckham and A Mighty Wind. The first time I saw those two names on the marquee, I thought back to the six month runs of Amelie and My Big Fat Greek Wedding at the State and I knew that there would be trouble.
2003-06-13
Hungry like the wolf
This morning I woke up (late) and immediately imagined the excellent breakfast of cereal and milk that awaited me. However, as I waited 7+ minutes for the shower water to warm up, I realized that breakfast was another dream for another day.
Please bring me food that I can surreptitiously eat at the periodicals desk.
PS: Dear hair, I hate you.
2003-06-12
And I knew you'd be on foot because you always say public transportation is for losers
There was a moment, when I was riding the bus home from Meijer, when I looked up at my face reflected in the windshield and said happily, "I LOVE taking the bus!" It was like a mass transit commercial.
2003-06-12
Green, pickle-flavored gold
I realized today that I am amazingly easily pleased. Like, the other day when I went crazy at work and then got all happy when I saw a cute dog on the way home. And then today I was going to go to Meijer because I sold something on half.com and I needed to buy an envelope to send it, and since I've been living on veggie burgers and cheese for the last couple of days (and I ran out of cheese), I figured that I could get a vegetabe or something while I was there too (I am a total health nut!). So I went out to my car, and -
IT DIDN'T START.
[OK, I know that I should just do something about this reccuring problem, but every time I take it to a car place, it starts right up and I look like a moron.]
So anyway, I was really upset by this. I returned home and dug around in the fridge for a while, and do you kow what I found? I found a jar of bread and butter pickles. I immediately felt 10 times better.
2003-06-11
Blah
I never really encountered much internet porn until I started working at the public library. I am not sure how I feel about this.
Also, I want to go see Starflyer 59, but my friends have all spurned me to go live in places that are actually interesting. Ingrates.
2003-06-11
Oh Canada and your sweet sweet ketchup chips
My gold membership runs out tomorrow. I totally panicked when I saw that email. 'OHMYGOD, it runs out in 0.99 days? What will I do?" And then I realized that what I will do is host my images elsewhere and say goodbye to my three optional fields because I don't have $31 to spend on this. I'm also (again) considering moving the whole operation to livejournal, since everything I liked on the gold membership here seems available on the free membership there (except the image hosting, but whatever). Last time, though, everything was sort of weird, but not weird enough to be entirely foreign. It was like the time we went to Windsor and all the gas prices were per liter rather than per gallon.
But, you know, that time I went to Windsor we stopped at a gas station and I experienced my first ketchup flavored potato chip*. And since then I have been totally pro-Canada, because any country that puts that level of quality into condiment-flavored junk food is alright with me.
There is a moral to that story. See if you can guess what it is.
*Since then I have had many American ketchup chips, but nothing has ever matched that first amazing crunch of ketchup, and nothing ever will.
2003-06-10
Walking home is usually the best part of working
I was under the impression that all high schools everywhere were done for the summer, but during my last 15 minutes at work there were thousands of highschoolers (read: 4) trying to use the microfilm machines. There were also two non-highschoolers using them, most notably a woman with the brightest, pinkest lipstick I had ever seen on anyone older than six during daylight hours.
And you know what else? They all wanted to print. Every single one of them. We only have one printing microfilm machine right now, and actually it is the oldest known microfilm machine known to humankind and should probably be in a museum. Hilarity ensued!
But then on the way home I saw a bassett hound and I felt better.
2003-06-10
Chi!Ca!Go!
Why, yes, these are the same clothes I was wearing yesterday. So what?
In another news, it seems as though my constant complaining (not only here, in real life too!) about bands that only play the coasts has actually made a difference as Blur has announced more dates including (not Detroit but) Chicago.
Pro: Chicago is a fun town
Con: The show is probably outrageously expensive and on a Monday night
Pro: I am bad at managing my finances, which means that I would probably see fit to take a day off from work to drive to Chicago and pay an excessive amount of money to see a rock show
Wooo! See you there, kids!
2003-06-10
Usually we make fun of them
So, we thought we'd be fansters and buy Hail to the Thief at midnight. I, personally, stopped being a Radiohead fanatic a while ago, but I do have to acknowledge the fact that they (and, ok, I'll admit it, Oasis. everyone always snickers when they see that in my cd collection, but c'mon, Wonderwall? COME ON) were responsible for a major shift in my musical preferences in 1996. If it wasn't for them, I might have gone the way of the boy bands. You never know. Anyway, we realized that we weren't big enough fansters to know where to go to buy cds at midnight, and I also needed milk, margarine and Lawry's seasoned salt, so we went to Meijer, where we made them match Best Buy's ad price and we ended up getting that sucker for $9.99. So not only were we fansters, we were also thrifty.
Thrifty fansters. Can't be that.
Note: So I bought Hail to the Thief at midnight, but when the two albums that are totally going to make my entire summer come out (Happy Songs for Happy People and Phantom Power), they won't be available at the local 24-hour superstore, and then what will I do? I will die, that's what. I will explode while I am at work in the morning and they will have to scrape my guts off the library walls. Speaking of working in the morning, I should go to sleep now.
2003-06-09
Pizza just causes one heartbreak after another
So, let's say you spend the whole day lusting after New York Pizza Depot's sundried tomato and feta pizza. You eat almost nothing all day, because everything else sounds horrible when all you can think about is that pizza, and how you vowed to eat there so much over the summer that you would get totally sick of it and not miss it when you leave Ann Arbor, knowing full well that you could never, ever get sick of it*. You decide to stop there after work.
9pm. You are done with work and suddenly it hits you: you do not have your wallet. No money=no heavenly pizza. You briefly think about delivery, but aren't willing to make that much of a monetary commitment. You consider walking all the way home and then all the way back, but decide against it figuring that maybe this is a sign: just because you have cash right now doesn't mean you need to spend it on pizza.
Heartbroken, you return home and descend to the dungeon of your kitchen, where you assemble english muffin pizzas consisting of store-brand spaghetti sauce, onions, and tomatoes. You stick them in the toaster oven and dig through two refrigerators and two freezers looking for your mozzerella cheese. The unthinkable becomes obvious: someone has thrown away/eaten your cheese. You retaliate by eating a slice of the prepackaged American cheese that is in the refrigerator and doesn't have a name on it (last time you were at the store, you really wanted to by some but decided against it since you never really liked it before and just figured that it was one of those odd food urges you are prone to every now and again). You discover your Danish havarti with dill that has been around since long before the mozzerella, miraculously escaped the wrath of the fridge cleaner. You slice some off and put it on your english muffin pizzas. The result is somewhat tasty, but it is nothing like the sundried tomato/feta pizza that has been dancing around in your head all day. The pizza lust remains.
*The dorm I lived in for two years is right across the street, and it is open until 4am, so if you do the math you figure that I probaby went there about, oh, 12 hundred million times and didn't get sick of it, so it is unlikely that it could happen in one measly little summer.
2003-06-08
Flood
So I was sitting here trying to decide if I'm going to go see The 39 Steps or not, and I heard water dripping. "Hmm, I thought it stopped raining," I thought.
And then I realized my mistake:
water dripping outside=rain
water dripping inside=someone was filling up a bucket in the thirdfloor bathroom that is right above my room and forgot about it
Luckily, it was mostly just on the floor, I noticed it as soon as it started happening, and I immediately threw every absorbant item within reach (mostly dirty laundry) onto the growing puddle. I think I can add "thinks well in a crisis" to my resume now.
2003-06-08
There's a hole
It seems that Detroit has sprung a leak:
And although it is not visible due to the fact that the picture was taken with only the light of a very orange streetlamp, a warm and putrid cloud was emanating from this small hole, which I have cleverly pointed out with an arrow (and that's about as far as my photo editing skills go), because otherwise it is very likely that you would have missed it.
I would've missed it if it hadn't been for that smell.
2003-06-07
Update
I have changed out of the dirty t-shirt into a clean, but unironed, shirt with buttons. You may interpret that in any way that you would like.
2003-06-07
Clothes are stupid
I was going to get dressed up for the Outrageous Cherry/Saturday Looks Good to Me show tonight. I was even in my offensively pink skirt, my stretchy black shirt, and strappy black shoes. Then, as I was applying shimmery pink eyeshadow I thought (and I will try to recreate this thought as accurately as possible), "Who the fuck cares?"
I am now wearing:
jeans (that aren't clean)
a t-shirt (that isn't clean)
orange sauconys (that were as clean as they get, i guess)
A special message to my one and only plain white bra: Please come home! I miss you!
2003-06-07
Yet another reason frozen corn rules
When I find something that I like to eat, I stick with it, which is the reason that all I have been eating all week is salad. However, this is no ordinary salad; this is the greatest salad in history and I have decided to forego my greedy nature for a minute and let you in on a secret:
The secret to a really phenomenal salad is corn.
2003-06-07
Not the most exciting Friday night ever, then
Last night I went to Meijer sometime after midnight and bought almost two pounds of gummy items.
*
Meijer has a very extensive gummy selection (proof here), and they were on sale.
I also attempted to take a panoramic picture of the cheese case, but was sadly unsuccessful.
*I know the glare is right on the 2, but just trust me that it is right there between the 1 and the 3. Also, this is the dog food scale. And every time I try to resize pictures, they end up all bad looking.
2003-06-06
10 things I talked about on the phone today
I just had a very (read: too) long telephone conversation. Topics discussed include, but are not limited to:
1. my need for black sandals vs. the dreadful state of my feet
2. getting many kittens and naming them after my favorite foods ("c'mere Pickles. Diet Cherry Pepsi, where are you? Hello, Pickled Beets? Zuuuuuchini!")
4. Ashton Kutcher
5. Stewart, my now dead cat.
6. The fact that I own a digital camera but have only used it to take pictures of cows and a sign at Meijer that read "Plasma Booze Shape Bottle Retro Light $39.99.)
7. A foolproof scam involving a prosthetic foot, an automobile, and Sam Bernstein. (Note: this scam is only foolproof if no doctors are involved. In the commercials, the other lawyers are like, "She called Sam? I think we can settle this out of court," so I think it'll work.) (Another note: the prosthetic foot idea is directly related to topic #1, since I figured my feet are so ugly I would probably be better off just cutting them off.)
8. What kind of supplies we would need to buy if we were going to chop my feet off.
9. The fact that diet Mountain Dew has vegetable oil in it.
10. The fact that I used to play Operation by myself when I was little, since there was no one at my house that I could play it with. I would let the little man buzz and buzz as my metal tongs touched the edges. I would probably not be the world's best surgeon. (Note: this topic was brought on by the fact that the person on the other end of the line was experiencing symptoms of what sounded like a charley horse. Dr. Kim made the questionable statement that the charley horse was the hardest piece to remove during a game of Operation.)
etc, etc.
2003-06-06
A dilemma
The jury is still out on whether or not I am going to the Yo La Tengo show tonight, but I have to decide within the next two hours. I was hoping it would be sold out by now so I wouldn't have to actually make a decision.
It is expensive but I really really really want to go. And it would be the first show that I would be able to take my camera to. I wish someone would give me $18.
2003-06-06
Insomnia
Last night I went to sleep sometime after three. This isn't unusual, because, since I usually don't have to be anywhere in the morning (i really really need another job). I spend my nights eating stale tortilla chips and drinking funny-tasting water from the bathroom, reading or watching horrible things on television. I end up going to sleep around 4 and wake up around 11. Everybody's happy.
But this morning I actually had to work, so when I finished cleaning the kitchen at 1:30 am, I cleaned all of the random stuff off of my bed (and stacked it on a chair) and tried to sleep.
I didn't, though. And that was unusual, because I can usually sleep wherever and whenever I feel as though I should. On the front porch in the freezing cold, on the lawn at my parents' house, in movie theaters, on buses (well, not very well on buses), while driving (this is not good), while boozey parties are occuring in the room right underneath mine, even in the squalor of the ol' Ruths' house tv room on the broken futon. I can sleep on cue.
And I'd like to say that what was keeping me awake was the fact that I felt bad about writing nasty things about my housemates while being fully aware that I am probably not the easiest person to live with. And while it is true that I did feel bad, saying that that is why I couldn't sleep would be a fib.
I was being kept awake by the new album by Arab Strap, which is fast becoming my new favorite Scottish band (well, okay, third after Mogwai and the Beta Band, but they're definitely ahead of Belle and Sebastian and Idlewild. And Travis isn't even on the list. But anyway - ). I couldn't turn it off or push it to the back of my mind and let it lull me to sleep because it is so so so so so so good. I tried turning it down to a barely audible volume, but that just made me strain to hear it and ended up waking me up even more. I turned it up again and then I realized that other people don't have these problems.
In High Fidelity (the movie, which I'm not actually a huge fan of), there's this spot in it where John Cusack says, "I don't want sad bastard music. I just want something I can ignore" (or something along those lines)*. That's the worst possible thing I can think of to say about a song. It is why they play such drab music in grocery stores; it doesn't engage you in any way so you can spend all of your energy trying to decide if you're getting the best price on frozen corn** (this explains how I ended up buying the most expensive tofu ever when I walked into pfc and they were playing a Grandaddy album). However, I can't even imagine what it would be like to walk into a grocery store and be faced with complete silence. I mean, I know people would be talking to each other, on their phones, cash registers would be beeping, the carts would be making the noise they make when one of the wheels catches on something on the floor, but without that inoffensive background of noise, it would seem very strange.
This was long and more boring than I had anticipated. I am at work, though, and since I didn't want to write about how I just successfully unjammed the copy machine, this was all that was on my mind.
*the song that he says this about is "Seymour Stein," an utterly ignorable Belle and Sebastian song. I always wonder if the screenwriter was a thwarted B&S fan who was making a crack at the spottiness of their more recent work, or if he just thought it was a clever line and would've said it about anything. (PS-I really do like B&S. They kept me company yesterday on my happy little day trip to Dearborn. I would like them more, however, if they would release another album of complete perfection. That is all.)
**Frozen corn is the best! I eat it right out of the bag.
2003-06-06
Correction
Actually, I don't think that it is everyone that I have huge problems with, just the one or two people who are seemingly omnipresent.
In any case, if anyone has a spare room/couch I can sleep in/on for the rest of the summer, I will pay you and make you dinner and baked goods.
2003-06-05
Damn the ICC, full speed ahead
I sometimes wonder if people are genetically predisposed to not wash their dishes, or if co-ops just attract this certain type of person. It seems that people can't even seem to rinse their dishes out and put them in the dishwasher. I find this very tragic.
Relatedly, I think I live with the stupidest people in the world. I honestly don't think that I can have an entire conversation with any of them. I was cleaning the kitchen and there are a whole bunch of them sitting down there being tiresome and vacuous (if I got exhausted just listening to them, I can't imagine what they must feel like), and I had to stop because I just couldn't take it anymore. They will probably be down there most of the night (because, where better to hang out than the perpetually gross kitchen in the basement? All of the common areas in this house are absolutely dismal. Something needs to be done), since none of them seem to have jobs, but I think I will just have to wait them out, regardless of the fact that I have to get up in 7 hours to go to work.
I can't believe that I just didn't sublet an apartment this summer. My first year at Ruths was terrific; my second year was alright (by comparison, it now looks fantastic); this summer is absolutely unbearable. I have no idea how I am going to make it three more months.
2003-06-05
Scanny
The other day I was sad because I realized that I can't use my old printer with my new computer because it doesn't have a floppy disc drive. Furthermore, I cannot use my scanner because it has to be hooked up through the printer, which is why I am in Angell Hall. There are some scanners here, but none of them really seem to work properly. I found the greatest picture ever in a book yesterday, and would like it to become a permanent part of my life. It doesn't look like that is going to happen.
PS-When I said I was going to drive somewhere, who thought that I would end up in Dearborn? Yeah, me neither.
2003-06-05
Mohawk
A few weeks ago, I foolishly cut off some hair from the top of my head that was refusing to be tamed by hair gel. Now it is growing back, and I have a delightful little half-mohawky-looking thing growing around my part.
It is another stupid dark damp day. I think I am going to go drive somewhere.
2003-06-05
Avoidance
Sometimes when I am wandering around town I see people that I know. These unarranged meetings are pleasant, but I never see the one person that I would really like to see. However (and this is also what keeps me from initiating contact), I am absolutely certain that if I did see this person, it would ultimately be very upsetting to me. So maybe this is the way things are supposed to be.
2003-06-04
Looking out for my poor, deaf mother
Last night when I was at Target to buy cheap Pepsi products and printer cartridges*, I saw some hearing aid batteries that had been clearanced and picked some up for my mom even though I wasn't really sure that they were the right size.
And she just emailed me and said that they were! I feel all warm and fuzzy.
*My plan to buy printer cartridges was foiled when I got there and realized that I had no idea what kind I needed. I inherited this printer from my parents last April, but when the ink that was already in it ran out, I just stopped using it. I could print black and white things (read: thousands of pages of poorly written essays) for free and I didn't really need to use color very often.
2003-06-04
Introspective is just another word for uncool
This is what Current has to say about next week's Starflyer 59 show (at the awful Blind Pig):
"Ex-Dancehouse Children keyboardist Jason Martin leads his introspective indie pop project, Starflyer 59. Introspective indie rock band Ester Drang opens."
It sounds like kind of a heavy night.
2003-06-04
I have a lot of animosity towards classic literature
Nothing makes me happier (well, ok, many things probably make me happier than this, but just allow me a moment of hyperbole) than withdrawing books like Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. "Take that," I thought, as I violently smashed the stamper down onto the paper. "No one will ever have to read you again."
2003-06-03
It's not for me
I swear, we have the most annoying phone in the world. Luckily, though, as long as the stereo is on, I can't hear it. It was just in that second between "(A) Touch Sensitive" and "Shoot Doris Day" that I was aware that the phone was ringing. And now I am back to my blissful ignorance.
2003-06-03
Blech
Just when I decided that it was a good idea to fork over $100 and figure out some way to get to Los Angeles for All Tomorrow's Parties (the field day festival is for suckers), it is postponed until September due to poor ticket sales.
Also, the Yo La Tengo show on Friday is really expensive (which I say about every show that is priced over $15), their show in Chicago on Saturday is even more expensive, Mogwai is only touring on the coasts (yes Virginia, there is a middle America), I don't know when/if I am going to make it to New York this summer, and it is after noon and I am still in my pajamas, which makes me a lazy, lazy person.
2003-06-02
Free money
When I got home from work, there was a check for $1 in my mailbox.
WOOO!
That'll get my student loans paid back.
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